| Welcome to the virtual world of a crazy failed Rock Star. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Consider this a warning ... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Good morning. Or evening, or whatever time it is wherever you are on what I laughingly call planet Earth. Or whatever time you've decided to haul your butt out of bed, for that matter. My name's Keith. I'm from the north-east of England, just outside Middlesborough. I'm thirty-five years old with, thankfully, the mental age of an eight year old on Christmas morning. My head's full of empty cardboard boxes and wrapping paper and, predictably, batteries aren't included. I'm plagued by the drinking man's curse of work, on, of all places, a totally alcohol and women free oil production hell-hole in the middle of the North Sea. But it is a temporary and necessary inconvenience in order to finance my primary occupation. ROCK AND ROLL! I play the electric guitar. Badly. But if the audience is drunk enough - and I am - I can usually pull off a few half decent rock/blues numbers. I'm happily divorced, with one excellent nine year-old son called Alex. I'll make a rock star out of him yet. However I'm always on the lookout for a future ex-wife. Preferably South-East Asian, about twenty-ish, slim, 5'2"ish with a flat head, though the latter is optional. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| But I'm not ambitious enough ... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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My aim in life is simple. To own 1% of all the money in the world, stay awake with 1% of all the women under 125 kgs in the world, and then die. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you? Talking of death, I'm about three-quarters of the way through writing a black comedy novel on the subject. (Plug: called 'Rest in Peace of Mind' by Keith Pringle. Available from August at most good book shops. Price: U.S.$15.99 + G.S.T.) When it's published that should sort me out with a few million bucks. Should last me at least until the weekend. Any money I do make I intend investing wisely on wine and women on a beach in the sun. If there's anything left, I'll waste it. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
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